Developing Strategic Relationships Part 1

Did you know that you are only six people away from every other person in this world? Really? Yes, you are that close to anyone you can think of. In the social networking world of Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn, you could even be the only person between you and the next person. So what does this mean? It means the possibilities and impact you can make in this life is so great, only if you make the right connections. You need to develop strategic relationships. These are relationships that are well thought out, and part of an elaborate  and systematic plan of action leading to specific personal success outcomes. To be strategic in relationships means you make the important relationships important and invest in them.

Life Is A Summary of Relationships

Your success in life is determined by the relationships you have. You cannot succeed beyond the kind of relationships you. Your life is summary of relationships. You are a product of a relationship between your parents. The stages we go through in life whether its school, college, work, business, marriage, associations or friendships …is all a series of relationships. While some of the relationships are a biological, geographic or social fact, you nonetheless hold the key to improving the quality of these relationships. Your relationships create your environment, and your environment determines your success, therefore to achieve success you need to manage your relationships.

Relationships Create Opportunities

Education, skill and experience are the nuts and bolts to success, but the oil that makes them turn is relationships. There are many people with great qualifications, skills and years of experience, but they have not met with corresponding success. The missing spark could be relationships. A week ago, it was reported that President Zuma’s approval ratings are going up. He recently met with his arch critic Archbishop Tutu and appointed another critic Tony Leon an ambassador. He has defined his presidency as one based on a more engaging style, than his predecessor, President Mbeki who was perceived as an aloof intellectual. Intellect without relationships is like a boat on dry ground. The key lesson is that while education or talent can open doors for you, to keep them open you need relationships. The secret to accomplishing personal objectives can be found in reaching out to other people. What distinguishes highly successful people from everyone else is the way they use the power of relationships to create opportunities for everyone.

Who You See, Determines Who Sees You

Have you ever wondered why you will never see a Mercedes Benz dealership located downtown? This is because of the principle of positioning and association.  If you are positioned in a common place, you will meet with common opportunity and the converse is true. You are the product of the company you keep. In order to experience uncommon success you need to develop new relationships . Make it your aim to develop relationships with people who challenge you to better yourself. What is better to be a big fish in a small pond, or to be a small fish in a ocean? Leave your comfort zone. It’s allowed to go into a top hotel lounge and just ask for even free tap water or sit and ‘just relax’. Drive to a nice neighbourhood and start viewing houses for sale, visit a golf club just to see. If you bump into some big shot and they say ‘I don’t know you’ just respond and say “now you have an opportunity to know me”. As you do so, you begin to expose yourself to interactions which can take you to the next level. The law of association also states that what you continuously expose yourself to, you will soon become.

Your Personal Brand and Relationships

If you were to sit with billionaire mining entrepreneur Patrice Motsepe on a 6 hour flight what would you discuss with him? What impression would you want to give him about yourself? Would he entrust you with USD10 million dollars to incubate poverty alleviation projects in Africa? The point is to build relationships you need to be credible and offer your own compelling value proposition or unique point of view. Relationships are a give and take affair. You may not bring material resources to a relationship, but at least bring your personal substance and identity. How can you offer anything of value if you haven’t thought about how you want to stand out and differentiate yourself? Be someone worth talking to — even better, someone worth talking about. In everything that you do make sure you create your own content and develop skills that differentiate you from others and increases your value. Your unique intellectual property creates key opportunities to gain credibility and visibility. It can be a cause, an idea, a trend or a skill. Stamp your style and exercise the right to be yourself and see your value increasing.

If you’re not distinct, you’re extinct. A powerful personal brand is a great advantage in building relationships. A credible, distinctive and trustworthy identity attracts more people to you or your cause, and you’ll find it easier to win new friends and have more say in what you do and where you work. Who you are and what you are known for determines who will pay attention to you.

It’s Never Too Late

Its never too late to be what you might have been – George Elliot

Last week Kimani Ng’ang’a Maruge, the man declared as the world’s oldest pupil passed on to glory. He made the world headlines a few years ago when he decided to go to primary school aged 85 years. As the BBC’s Will Ross in Nairobi said the 90-year old pupil gave new meaning to the phrase, “It’s never too late”, so Mkoma Roland dared me to do an article on this and I obliged.

How many times do you give up because you think it’s too late? What dreams die because you think you have missed the time?  The Creator in His great wisdom has made times and seasons for a purpose. His time (kairos) is different from the natural time (chronos). His time is in eternity and He has set eternity in your heart, so you can live your life in eternal bliss and infinite possibility. If you catch this greater truth you will never again let the seemingly missed opportunities of the past and the failures of yesterday rob you of the opportunities in the present and the future.

Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

If you feel you are too old to do something, I have some good news for you – age ain’t nothing but just a number. If an 85 year old can go to primary school, surely you can at least read something for your development. By the way Kimani had set his sights on getting a Veterinary diploma even though he had just started primary school. But, hey its not just about education. It could be a project, a business, a book, a house…or any dream you have always wanted to do. You can get married and have a family. The biological clock is a mirage giving an appearance of ‘lateness’ and hopelessness. It’s never too late.

I could talk about one Caleb of ancient Israel who after 45 years in the wilderness (he was 40 years when the Exodus started), at 85 he asked for a mountain. The frustration, defeats, battles, wandering or time in the wilderness did not dim his faith and vision. What is the secret of holding on to your dreams even at 85 years? You need to be a person of conviction and principles. Conviction is anchored by hope, and principles are driven by faith. Hope is the belief in a possibility, and faith is the mental outline or image of that possibility. Without faith in the future, you lack power in the present.  Are you convinced that this world must change because you were born for such a time as this? Are you convinced you can make a difference? Awaken your dreams today, defy your physical/social condition and attempt that which you think you could not do before. It’s never too late.

I have some good news for the young too – it’s never to early – Caleb believed when he was still a young man that he would get to the Promised Land, and he held on to those convictions for 45 years!

It’s Never Too Late to Make Peace

Kimani lost all his belongings during the Kenya post election violence in 2007. At 88 years he could have chosen to be so bitter and never forgiven those who had destroyed the only property he had amassed over his 88 years. He was interviewed and explained that he had forgiven those who had destroyed his home and taken his belongings. He made peace with fellow man. Secondly he had recently made peace with his Creator, when he turned to organised religion and got baptised. It’s never too late to make peace with yourself, fellow man and with your Creator. You rob yourself of clear vision and encumber your journey with baggage by failing to forgive yourself and others. It’s never too late. You can make a brand new start just-as-if you had done nothing wrong. Without releasing the past, you rob the future of power.

Don’t Give Up Too Easily

There was a man who once discovered a rock claim that he thought might contain gold. He spent thousands of dollars driving a long tunnel into the rock, but after one and a half years he had still not found gold. Discouraged, he gave up and sold the mining claim. The next company bored 90 cm more and struck the gold vein. The Wright Brothers only added movable flaps to the edge of aeroplane wings and they are credited with inventing a plane.  Alexander Graham Bell,  turned a simple screw, one quarter of a turn, to transform the interrupted current into continuous current capable of reproducing human speech and today we have the telephone, but Reis had done all the difficult work.

People fail in life because they think they have spent too much time already! Don’t give up. We might be in August and things are not getting better for you. Hold on. Fight the good fight of faith – your breaking point is your break through moment. It’s never too late, and the Creator is always on time (kairos).

Conquering Your Fears

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyses needed efforts to convert retreat into advance – Frank D Roosevelt

“This is the captain. We have started our descent for Richards Bay airport. However there are very strong winds on the ground, the runway is short…the runway lights are not working today and unfortunately this type of plane does not have precision landing equipment, but we will try and see if we can land” After these words there was a great silence on the plane as I was on a flight to a client site this week. One word explains the reaction – FEAR gripped the hearts of the passengers (me included). For a moment I thought of my young family. As I processed all sort of thoughts in my mind, I remembered how I had overcome the fear of flying more than 10 years ago. Flying was a nerve wrecking experience for me for some time until I decided to deal with it. Those lessons helped on that day and are applicable to overcoming fear in general.

Fear is not good because it creates a negative energy or force field. Fear serves as a counter-intention to all of your positive intentions. This affects the way you think or coordinate your activities. It is paralyzing and is the reason why most people fail to succeed in life. It is for that reason why fear must be conquered. How can it be conquered?

Face Your Fears

In moments of fear, I have seen people closing their eyes. Now that’s a temporary way of dealing with fear. The moment you open your eyes, the thing you fear will still be in your face. My day of facing my fears of flying was 10 years ago. Before the flight I asked the cabin crew that I wanted to go into the cockpit and see what happens there once we get into full flight. Once airborne I was led to the cockpit where the captain explained to me what happens in there and all the takeoff and landing procedures. They were so relaxed in the cockpit and even having drinks! That day I conquered my fear of flying.

You might not have a fear of flying. Your fear might be of financial, medical, social, professional, business or spiritual problem. Some people don’t look at their ATM receipt after withdrawing money because the bank balance ‘scares’ them. We could share of so many examples. However you need to go into the ‘cockpit’ of your fear, and leave your fear demons in that cockpit. The captain in that ‘cockpit’ might be a counselor, mentor, pastor, friend, doctor, sister or brother who could help you deal with your fears. Fear melts when you face it head on. When you fail to face up to it, the fear grows and grows. Fear is really nothing but an illusion, but your thoughts make it seem real.

Change Your Focus

Fear is like an attention seeking child, if you pay too much attention to it, it will get out of hand. One way I dealt with my fear of flying years ago was to get a nice book to read, or do work on my laptop. Sometimes I would start a conversation with a fellow passenger just to get distracted. This way, I would get lost in my little world and give fear no chance. I also have an intention to enroll into flying school at some point in the near future. I read a lot about flying and it’s now a hobby. I have conquered my fears.

There are practical ways to remove your focus from your fears. Instead of focusing on a medical condition, or the condition of your bank balance, you can focus on ways to get out of that condition. I have an uncle who 2 years ago was diagnosed with diabetes. Instead, of focusing on what foods he could no longer eat, and a worst case scenario, he focused his attention on how to overcome the condition. He changed his lifestyle and researched on natural methods to overcome this condition. Within a year, he went back to the doctor, who could not detect diabetes anymore.

Instead of writing an obituary about your health, business, finances or relationship change your focus. You could start an association or develop expertise around helping people get out debt, deal with a bad relationship, turn around a business etc.

You need to look at fear in the face once and show it the way out of your life. As fear goes through the window faith comes through the door. The law of polarity states that nothing can exist without its opposite. Fear is faith turned inside out. Pray up your faith, play down your fears.

Tapping Into The Great Within

Within each person is a fountain of hope, an ocean of possibility, a spring of creativity and a stream of entreprise – Lovemore Nyatsine founder of Seedbed Consulting

I want to have a conversation with you today; to provoke and awaken your dreams. I want to take a walk with you to some place. This place is called the great within. It is a place that presents a strange and deep yearning within your heart, an ache for something beyond, the yearning of a yearning. You were not born empty – you are a complete package awaiting delivery. The Creator has placed inside of you a sense that this is not all. It is that search for significance, meaning and worth that drives people from Timbuktu to Kingdom come. King Solomon in his great wisdom saw this and said “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in their hearts...” This greatness needs to be awakened from within your depths.

Society has made you book bound and externally dependent you can’t hear the great within anymore. Laws, paradigms, ideologies, concepts, systems and principles have robbed you of the right to be yourself. We want to change that. I want to unpack 3 key elements of the great within. Working together, these elements will direct and transform your life. They are:

Dream

A dream is an aspiration you hold for your life. It is a picture of possibility and a preview of the future. A dream is what the eye of faith has seen in the land of hope ahead. Dreams are the bridge between impossible and possible. Dreams come from the ocean of possibility inside of you. The principal function of a dream is to enter the boundless and awaken the great within. As you dream, armies of execution go on a high alert ready to execute. It brings energy and focus to your actions.

I know we talk of dream cars, houses, jobs, wife, and husbands. It’s all good, but I want us to engage in a bigger conversation. The most profound dreams are those that are the expression of your life’s purpose. I want to challenge you to go beyond consumptive dreams into productive dreams. Dreams that will touch generations. Without a dream everything is reality. With a dream the circumstances of your life are subject to change.

Insight

The best vision is insight – Malcolm Forbes

Insight is an understanding of issues beyond the ordinary. It is a sight or view of the interior of something; a deep inspection or view. Insight is the power of acute observation and deduction; penetration, discernment and perception. It is a breakthrough in understanding, received from superior understanding of issues. It’s not enough to know issues, you need to have your own point of view on the knowledge you acquire. This is what will give you an edge in life.  As billionaire Li Ka Shing said “We are approaching a new age of synthesis. Knowledge cannot be merely a degree or a skill… it demands a broader vision, capabilities in critical thinking and logical deduction without which we cannot have constructive progress” I will add to this that knowledge without insight is sterile.

Insight is the ability see what no one can see, because it comes from the great within…‘in-sight’. Respect your intuition, your hunches and your instincts. Listen to them – they are the culmination of a lifetime of study and fact-finding. When you have insight on issues you dissolve doubts and explain hard sentences. With insight your value add is extending the existing body of knowledge and creating new knowledge bundles in your profession, industry, business or field.

Creativity

Creativity is a breakthrough in expression achieved by leaps of imagination. It is the combining of ideas which were previously thought to be unrelated. It is your ability to combine ideas in a unique way or to make useful associations among ideas. Break out of self-imposed limitations. Look for wider solutions,   and think beyond the square. Think sideways; explore the least likely directions; abandon step-by-step approach and thinking ‘to one side’ and master the ‘lateral thinking’ approach. Refuse to be an experienced superintendent of old ideas, systems, rules or ideologies. Tap into the unending stream of creativity in the great within and create your own paradigms, principles and laws. This world must change because of your own original creations. Let’s read your books, drive your car, use your phones, read your books, use your medicines. We want to name institutions and infrastructure after you.

There is virtually no problem you cannot solve, no goal you cannot achieve, no obstacle you cannot overcome if you know how to apply the creative powers of the great within, like a laser beam, to cut through every challenge in your life.